is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How naked do you want me to be?
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