so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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