Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
