Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
