Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
