Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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