before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
