Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
