When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
