who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
