If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
