that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
