you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
