have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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