is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
