don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
