but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
