i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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