I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I puked a lego.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
