Im at strip club and am horny
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
