my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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