I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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