I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
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Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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