He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
