you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
