I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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