pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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