I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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