My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
