Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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