Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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