all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
