in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Too much gin, very little bucket
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
