she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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