I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How does one acquire holy water?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
