An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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