OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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