Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I CAN MOONWALK!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
