Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize