Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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