I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
