if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
