i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
