So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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