if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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