grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
