yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
