I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
