you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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