my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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