apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
