I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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