didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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