I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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