So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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