Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
