Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
