Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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