im about as happy as oj after his trial
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
