He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
