Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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