i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
