I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I love you. Go after that dick
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
