I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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