She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
nutella sex= disaster
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
