so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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