there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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