This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
