We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
