with your own penis?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize