Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
