how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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