I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I party with great urgency now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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