I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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