Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
this boner is exhausting
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
