I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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