My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
