First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
