Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
