I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
