she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
