The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
