when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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