She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
